Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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