Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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