your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
