There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
