I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
