all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
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Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm really busy with my period
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