Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
