I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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