im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
