...so i touched it.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
