I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
