I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
When did angry sex become our thing?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
