Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
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if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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