fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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