it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
