did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
