do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
