38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
