my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
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I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
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My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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