So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
