I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
