Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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