What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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