"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
