Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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