I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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