did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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