five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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