So drunk its hurt
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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