how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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