3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
