dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
