I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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