I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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