Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm at about main and main street
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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