my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
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I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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