were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
