My nipple is on Facebook.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
