just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she peed on how many people?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
