If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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