Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just made out with a guy for $7.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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