I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
