there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
