just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
third nipple confirmed
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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