Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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