how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
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I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
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They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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