There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
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I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
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5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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