so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
