We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
