I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
