Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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