Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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