It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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