u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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