fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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