you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
