did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
