i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
