Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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