i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
