I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
