you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
