he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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