walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
