Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
