Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
