So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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