fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
