Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
