It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize