where does the pee come out of this thing
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Randomize
