...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
