his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
