I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
