I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
