You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
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We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a waste of cheezeits
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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